Victoria’s Story: Choosing Donor Egg and Beyond

Hi, I’m Victoria Niño and I’m infertile. 

I am also a mother to two incredible children, thanks to the help of two different women’s eggs (and my husband’s sperm). I was diagnosed with stage three endometriosis in my early 30’s, and after years of laparoscopic surgeries, countless IUIs and IVFs, I was advised by my doctor that donor eggs were my best chance at conceiving.

I was gutted.

As the words “donor eggs” rolled off the doctor’s tongue, it felt as if someone had just died — someone I had loved for a very long time. Someone with a face, a name, a special room in our house. Someone I had spoken to, sung to, cried to. Someone I begged to come to me, but never came. 

Grieving your genetics is a process most people can’t understand unless they have experienced it for themselves. It’s by far the hardest part of becoming a mother this way, yet also one that brings so much self-discovery and growth. No one can prepare you for the grave loss you feel in your body as you ride the bumpy waves of genetic grief, nor the life lessons you gain as you move through the pain.

It’s brutal and beautiful.

I have spent almost a decade trying to normalize and have conversations about becoming a mother this way in hopes that those after me don’t have to feel the stigma and shame that I once did. I believe that if we can all enter this path with understanding and confidence, it might not be so brutal. If we have the right support and education made available to us in the beginning, maybe we don’t have to fall apart.

If you can see it, you can be it. 

I want the world to see that being a parent via someone else’s genetics doesn’t make me any less of a mother. Yes, I had a unique journey to becoming a mother, but I am here now — as a mother, doing all the things a mother does. I’m not just a “donor egg mama”, I am a “mama”. Donor eggs helped me get here, it’s a part of my story, but the story doesn’t define me, and it certainly doesn’t define my children.

These two children are my soul’s exact match. I now know, I never needed them to have my DNA or look like me, I just needed them to be them, exactly as they are.

And they needed me to be exactly who I am — a woman who walked through fire to get to them.

We have a saying “I am you and you are me” because we are not separate — we are one. We belong together. 

The thing I used to fear the most is now something we celebrate as a family. We talk openly about our differences and the things that connect us — most importantly our hearts.

I recently published a kids book about exactly this called, “Our Hearts Match”. It’s a book that celebrates the differences that can exist through nature but also the similarities through nurture, through the lens of a dinosaur mother and child, hatched from someone else’s egg. It’s a great warm up to introduce the idea of egg donation to your child without the mention of donors, doctors, medicine, etc. It’s fun, playful and heartwarming for all families to enjoy. It’s also a great read for those still deciding if egg donation is right for them — to see the beauty of this conception story through a child’s eyes.

There are so many resources and people available to help that didn’t exist when I was first entering this journey 10+ years ago. Don’t be afraid to lean on them, or on me. I share my story very openly on my blog and Instagram and am always just an email or dm away. You aren’t meant to go this alone. I’ve got you.

If you are looking for a community that understands you and wants to support you, Infertility Unfiltered is an organization I founded built to help you through the beginning stages of your decision all the way through parenting a donor conceived child.

Whether you are looking for a safe community to connect with others who are going through a similar journey or ready to dive into education and professional support, we have a variety of donor conception resources to help.

I am grateful for organizations like Donor Egg Bank USA who recognize the importance of amplifying voices like mine, not just during National Infertility Awareness Week, but all year long, to ensure others feel supported and seen.  

I am Victoria Niño and I am proud to tell my story.

Victoria Niño is a paid partner of Donor Egg Bank USA, to help educate and provide support for those considering donor egg.